Great FMV scenes and music, terrible everything else.
Mr. Bones is one of those games you really try to like. The presentation is so off-kilter as to be engaging, the music soundtrack is ace, and Mr. Bones himself is so likable that you want to see his adventure through to the end.
Then you start playing the game.
It's clear that more effort was put into the story than the game. That's ok, sometimes a cinematic game can be fun for a change of pace (see: Lunacy, or SNATCHER). However, you expect at least the bare minimum of effort into making the game part of your video-game fun - or if not fun, than at least inoffensive.
Mr. Bones, unfortunately, is offensive.
The first level of the game bodes ill for players, as it is a long, drawn-out FMV where you must come to grips with awkward platforming controls. The level grinds along at a snail's pace, and should you die, you have to begin it all over again. This sucks especially because of how tedious it feels - there's no creativity or spark to engage you, right off the bat.
The second level is no better, as you just stand around on a platform, waiting for enemies to run at you, so you can jump over them. Again, for five boring minutes.
The third level shows promise, as you finally get to move around on a real level. However, Mr. Bones' awkward controls will give you the blues. Bones never feels responsive as he should. The jumps feel delayed after pressing the button. Your attacks never connect just like you want it to. And enemies can quickly bring your health down to zero, meaning you start the level all over again. Not fun.
The best levels in the game ditch the bad platforming and FMVs for music rhythm mini-games. The guitar level is fun, but there is no way to lose. The drum solo is also fun. There is even a bizarre "pinball" level, and a vortex level that I particularly enjoyed. But those are over too brief, and do not raise the game out of mediocrity.
Some levels are completely awful. The swimming level is confusing, overly long, and easy to fail. And yes, it's another slow FMV you have to slog through. The Icy Lake is infamous for its difficulty. What people don't tell you is that it's completely boring and unfun. You can't even stand still, because your character's idle animations cause him to drift around. This is a needlessly artificial way of increasing your misery. If you are brave enough to get past this, you will be hard pressed to even care about the rest of the game. I know I wasn't.
Mr. Bones is one of those Saturn gems that are always touted as one of the great "quirky" games for the system, but in reality, it is a sub-par excuse of a game wedded to an awesome Ronnie Montrose soundtrack. Saturn owners beware, especially now as Saturn prices are gouged up to fool gullible collectors into buying awful 32bit games. Use the money you'd spend on Mr. Bones and buy a worthwhile game instead.Read full review
